I think its about time we stop bullshitting around and try a little humor to clear the air a little.
It all began because the Jones were unable to have children and as a last resort they had decided to use a proxy father. On the day that the proxy was to arrive Mr. Jones kissed his wife and told her not to worry as the man would be there in a little while and it would all be over soon.
About an 15 minutes later a door to door baby photographer happens to ring the doorbell. Mrs Jones answers the door and is greeted with, “Good morning madame, I am here to….”
Before he could go any further shes nervously says, “Thats OK, there is no need to explain, I have been expecting you, you know.”
The photographer is a little shocked but isn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth and says, “Thats good as I have made a specialty of babies.”
“Thats just what my husband and I had hoped as it is very important to us that everything goes just right. Please come in and have a seat.” She sits him down and then blushingly asks, “Just where do we start?”
“Don’t worry madam, leave everything to me. Just to make sure everything goes OK I try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and maybe a couple on the bed. Heck some have even found the living room floor to be quite good as it allows you to really spread out.”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it never worked for Malcolm and me.”
Well, to tell you the truth, no-one can really guarantee a good one every time, which is why its best to try different positions, especially as it allows me to shoot from different angles.” He winks and says, “I’m sure you will be pleased with the results.”
Getting really nervous by now, she stammers, “I do hope we can get this over with fairly quickly.”
“Madam, we can’t rush this if we want to get the best results. One needs to take ones time and as much as I would love to be in and out in 5 minutes or so, I am sure that you would be disappointed with the results.”
“Oh I know all about that she says.”
The photographer starts to open his bag and pulls out his portfolio of baby pictures. “This one was done on the top of a bus in the middle of Adelaide”, as he points to a photo of a cute baby.
“Oh, dear me” she claims, while biting her nails.
“As for these twins, I am surprised how well they turned out considering that the mother was so difficult to work with.”
Mrs Jones looks at the photo and says, “Difficult?”
“Oh, immensely so, I had to take her to a national park to get the job done just right. We had people crowding around four or five deep and there was much pushing and shoving as they all tried to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?” as she starts to perspire a little.
“Yes indeed, and for more than three hours too. The mother kept screaming and yelling so much I found it very difficult to concentrate. Then it started to get dark and so I had to rush my last few shots, and had to finally pack it all in when the roos started nibble on my equipment.”
Mrs Jones leans over aghast and says, “They were actually nibbling on your equipment?”
“They sure did, but I think we had better get started, so if you just wait there a moment while I get my tripod.”
“You need a tripod? she asks, getting really worried now.
“Oh yes, its absolutely necessary to rest my Canon on. It’s way to big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action!”
Upon which Mrs. Jones fainted.
