It’s Sunday and I had my first laugh when I got this email. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said, â€Once again the earth has become wicked and over populated and I see the end of the flesh before me.†He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.†Six months later, the Lord was vexed after looking down and seeing Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah what the hell is going on?†He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?â€
“Forgive me Lord,†begged Noah, “…things have changed since the last time. I now need a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. Then my neighbours, who would be destroyed in the flood, claim that I’ve violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, and animal rights group sued. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the ATO seized all my assets, claiming I’ m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.â€
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?â€
“No,†said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.â€
