Women May Be From Venus But Men Are From Earth

I reckon that whole lot of people have heard of the book ‘Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus’ by Dr. John Gray and it is obvious that the book was written with women in mind. I suppose the the whole intent of the book was to have a woman buy it, read it, believe in it and then pass it on to their better halves hoping that once they read it they would change their ways. Yeah right, and pigs really fly!

Now let me set you women straight, the time to change a male is when he is young and supple. There is no point trying when he is older and set in his ways because you just may snap him like a twig. Anyway I think the book is completely erroneous! In fact it should be called Men Are From Earth Woman Are From Venus! Why, do you ask? Simple,its obvious that women are from another planet while men are logically rooted to this lovely planet of ours.

Where it is obvious that women think they know everything there is to know about men, it is also a fact that women are a bloody mystery to men. This is a documented fact, just watch any movie.

In regards to the toilet seat, woman are always arguing that it should be down. I mean does it really matter, men have to lift it up (would you prefer we didn’t raise it and take your chances on our aim) so why shouldn’t a woman put it down.

Other differences:

To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her…
A man, of the woman who didn’t.
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.

10 things you’ll never hear a man say:

1: Here honey, you use the remote.
2: You know, I’d like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
3: Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That’s one movie I gotta see!
4: While I’m up, can I get you anything?
5: Sex isn’t that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
6: Aww, forget Monday night football, let’s watch Sex In The City.
7: Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
8: We never talk anymore.
9: Not tonight honey, I’ve got a headache!
10: No worries, talk away, I wasn’t really watching the movie anyway

10 things you’ll never hear a woman say:

1: What do you mean today’s our anniversary?
2: Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.
3: Ohh, this diamond is way too big!
4: Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being ‘just friends’
5: Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
6: Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.
7: I don’t care if it’s on sale, 300 dollars is way too much for a designer dress.
8: Its OK honey, you can leave the toilet seat up!
9: Why, I would love to watch some porn with you!
10: Shouldn’t you be down at the pub with your mates?


This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. bbrian017

    I love the top ten you should e-mail it to David Letterman! It’s far funnier than anything I’ve seen on that show in years!

    Great list!

    p.s. ty

    bbrian017s last blog post..5 Top Consumer Devices for 2008

  2. BS Artist

    Thanks Brian, If I bump into him I will let him know. Maybe someone could send it to him. :cheese1_ee: Anyway not all of these were mine, I just put them together from emails and jokes I received and did a post on one of my other blogs. I wish I had kept the originals.

  3. bbrian017

    I meant to say eight lol not ten. Even if there not all yours they are common sense so I think anyone could claim them! Somewhere out there some man or woman are saying these things lol

    Seriously too funny!

    bbrian017s last blog post..5 Top Consumer Devices for 2008

  4. BS Artist

    Gee Brian, maybe I should add another 2. Tell you what I will work on it. It won’t take too much as I am sure if I pay a bit more attention to the wife I will pick up a few more I can use. maybe then someone will stumble it 😉

  5. BS Artist

    Thanks heidi , I’m glad you liked it. I visited your blog and will leave a comment later as I am in the middle of painting my daughters room. While I was there I voted for you as ‘Hottest mommy Blogger’ and the best health blog.

  6. Robin

    I don’t know about that. I am a remote hog and channel surfer. I never have headaches except when I am at work. I used to date an obsessive compulsive man who used to scold me for not putting down the toilet seat!

    Robins last blog post..The Essence of mean people and women of strength

  7. BS Artist

    Shit Robin, where were you when I needed you? That in regards to the headache part of your comment. Toilet seat doesn’t bother me either way as it takes so little bloody effort to move the damn thing.

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